Michael Jackson was an Alien

NASA and many other space organisations have been looking at the skies above for many years now with an expectation that one day they will be able to communicate with aliens. Well, I've got news for them, for the last 50 years an alien (that's just the one I know, there can be many) was living amongst us. He was singing, dancing and making best sellers. Now, why would I say that? Well, that's the only explaination that fits all that we've seen in MJ over the last 50 years.

Let me start with the numerous Plastic surgeries. Well actually those were not plastic surgeries. In fact those were routine maintenance exercises that are required because he was an alien disguised as a human and the 'human suit machine' needed regular maintenance for wear and tear. Of course he got a new chin, a new nose, a new wig and eyes every time. Those upgrades were not his efforts to look better, those were technological upgrades designed by the aliens, purely keeping the function in mind. May be to our human eyes they were ugly and asymmetrical.

The Color, some say Skin Bleach and some say Vitiligo. Well, the truth is that it was neither. The only simple explanation is that the alien skin is very receptive to the pollution on earth. MJ's skin was becoming paler and paler as the pollution on our planet was increasing. How else would you explain a skin that turns from black to brown to pink and finally into white. (Ok may be it's not pollution, but it's still alien skin.)

The singing, never ever in the history of mankind there has been a singer who has been able to sell millions and millions of copies of CD's by singing in falsettos. I agree that opera singers sing in falsettos but who listens to them? On the contrary, we simply loved MJ's singing! I mean just think of it, if you and I (and by 'you and I',   I mean human males) try singing in falsettos people will laugh. But for MJ, we bought his CD's, cassettes like hypnotised minions. Or may be we were hypnotised.

I heard that Google, Twitter, Facebook, Wikipeida and every major website in this world crashed as the news about Michael Jackson's death spread. I don't think the internet went down because of the overload, instead I think that the aliens were paying a tribute to MJ and wanted the whole world to observe 2 minutes of silence in his memory. And so may be Google was right, it was an attack, of sorts.

I guess, I've made my point. Am I, forgetting something?? OH YEAH!!! The MOONWALK. Need I say more?

The Love Story

THIS IS THE STORY OF HOW DCAT AND GMAN GOT TOGETHER.

ATTEMPT NO. 1

AT THE CHURCH.

Dcat: Hey Gman!

Gman: What?

Dcat: No, nothing.

Gman: Nothing what?

Dcat: Nothing.. drop it

Gman: ok

Dcat: (to herself) This shouldn't be this hard.

ATTEMPT NO. 2

THE PHONE CALL.

(WHILE DCAT WAS ON THE PHONE PADDY WALKS INTO DCAT'S ROOM AND THIS IS WHAT SHE HEARD.)

Dcat: Hi Gman.

Dcat: I was just thinking about you.

Dcat: No! No! I am not joking

Dcat: Seriously.

Dcat: That'll be wonderful.

Dcat: Ok bye.

Paddy: Wow! girl what's going on with you two?

Dcat: No nothing. What are you talking about?

Paddy: Come on you can't fool me. I heard everything you just said on the phone.

Dcat: Oh no. You've got it completely wrong. This is what happened

Dcat: (dialing no.)

RING RING.

Dcat: Hi Gman.

RING RING

Dcat: I was thinking about you.

RING RING

Dcat: No! No! I am not joking.

HELLO THIS IS GMAN I AM NOT AT HOME RIGHT NOW.

Dcat: Seriously!

ANYWAY MY PHONE HAS A CALLER ID SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR NO. OR A MESSAGE JUST HANG UP AND I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

Dcat: That'll be wonderful.

THANK YOU.

Dcat: Ok bye.

Paddy: Oh!

Dcat: (to Paddy) Why is this so hard.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Look Alike

Meaningless existence

A few days back I saw this - http://hubblesite.org/gallery/   .

I was truly amazed to see such beautiful and fantastic pictures of the universe. The events that are occurring out there are simply beyond my wildest imagination. And I was happy because now with the help of this little piece of equipment we are able to see a glimpse of what is happening out there. All that came into my mind after watching these images was "Wow".

But at the same time I my heart was filled with sadness just to realize that there is so much more out there that we, the mankind, don't even know about. Not just that, when I think of the new discoveries and inventions in the field of science, arts and technology that are yet to happen. The things that haven't yet been conceived. I feel more depressed. Just to realize that when all this will happen, I would be long gone. All this made me realize only one thing, that this life is totally, utterly, completely insignificant. It's something like - You are asked to watch an amazing movie from the middle, in the first place, and then you are asked to leave the hall just when you start enjoying it.

Having said all that, I can say that if it wasn't for the assurance, that I have in my life, of meeting the creator of all that exists and the one who knows everything about the past, the present and the future. If it wasn't for the belief, that I have, that I can still have the answers to all the questions and I can still see it all even after I am long gone then I can only conclude is that life is not worth living, it's insignificant and no one can make a difference, no matter how hard we try.

Nostalgia

No More Movie Reviews

In my last post I got tricked into writing a movie review. Suffice to say that the hoopla that the movie and it's subsequent Oscar glory created was simply irresistible. I am going through a period of drought in terms of having creative ideas for the blog, so this time I am trying something completely different. Here are the 10 random things that I have in my mind right now:

1. I think it’s possible to believe in something and still fail to live up to it. A situation that I most often find myself in.
2. Buono Kamachi is the first Japanese abusive word that I have learned. I must mention that it's quiet creative. But I won't disclose it's meaning. About the usage - well it's used in an "all show-no go" situation.
3. Hardest thing to do is to keep posting on this blog.
4. If I ever make a movie based on this blog. The following are some possible titles: (special appreciation to Vishal for the suggestions)
• Janakpuri to Japan
• Gman Returns
• The G Knight
• The Curious Case of Gman
• Gman/Nixon
• Taare G-meen Par
• Gman- The Last Stand
• Xmen Origins- Gman
5. In this life conflict is unavoidable. You will do well if you are
• Physically strong or
• A good runner or
• The boss
  If you are neither of the above keep your mouth shut.
6. I am a quiet person.
7. For any given problem the best solution is always the simplest one. And only real geniuses can provide the most simplest solutions. One of the reasons I believe in Jesus, because he is the simplest solution to all our questions about life. And of course God is the ultimate genius.
8. One word to describe myself: Single :)
9. You don’t have to be sad to write a sad song, you don’t have to be in love to write a love song.
10. The purpose of this life is not to save the world but to get saved.

There you go, 10 random thoughts. Much of it might not make sense, anyway. And yes! I might write another movie review, if it's worth it.

Slumdog Millionare and Whatever

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Slumdog Millionaire won Oscars, how did this happen?
1. Slumdog Millionaire was indeed the best movie of the year.
2. American's love to watch Indian slums and poverty.
3. Danny Boyle cheated.
4. It was destiny.

Not surprisingly many Indians (including the Old B) think that this is definitely not the best movie of the year. I agree too. You see, we Indians are accustomed to such high intensity of melodrama that when movies like SDM are presented before us where almost everything is so subtle we toss it out. But in this case the movie went on to win BAFTA, GG and 8 Oscars and hence the controversy. If this movie was made by an Indian some of the scenes would've had a lot more intensity. One particular example, if the scene where Jamal and Salim lose their mother was followed by a really sad song with tears rolling down from the eyes of the (now) orphan kids as they walk on the roads with dead bodies, burning buildings in the background and with flashes of the moments of their mothers love. We would've applauded and marveled at the skills of the master director. There are many such opportunities in the film. But SDM does not get stuck, it just moves on. How could Danny Boyle simply let tremendous moments like these get by? What was he thinking? You see SDM cannot be the best because it completely missed out on such moments almost all the time.

Most Americans are Dimwits. They think that US is the center of the universe. And what else can boost their ego other than seeing the abject poverty in other countries. No wonder why 'City of Gods', a movie based on the life in Brazilian Slums was critically acclaimed by them. Of course, this year their judgment was completely flawed, they gave the best actor award to a gay and best supporting actor to a joker. But isn't it true that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder? Then if Oscars are the awards given by the American movie fraternity to the movie the deem best then who are we to complain. It's their movie and furthermore it's their award.

I must say one thing here, I have seen a lot of Hollywood movies and with some confidence I can assert that SDM is not the greatest Hollywood flick I have ever seen. So in spite of all it's natural flaws and short comings, how did this movie win 8 Oscars? In this case, all I can say to Danny, in words of Anil Kapoor (from SDM), "What a playa! Ladies and gentlemen. What a playa!".

Sometimes, you've got to give in to the elements of the nature. If I try to draw out the current global economic scenario, particularly in US and Europe as backdrop of the movie's release. I can say that the timing of the movie was impeccable. At a time when the entire rich part of the globe is looking at gloomy days ahead, probably this movie gave a message of hope. Again, the message was to the Americans and Europeans and not us Indians.

My First Snowfall

Good-bye, maybe?

Every time I posted a blog entry, I felt that this may just be my last post. And that I will never have any more ideas. But some how I managed to do come up with something or the other for the last 2 year, I can't believe myself. But after my last post, the comic strip, I feel all dried up. The future of this blog is in jeopardy. Let's see. All the best to me.

Good Morning

Even though our hero GMAN appears to be absolutely different in each comic block, please note that this is because I can't draw, so I picked up clip arts and cartoons from the internet. Please assume that it's the same guy in all the blocks. (Click on the pictures to enlarge.)

 

To The Best Within Me

This year I promise myself to achieve what I haven't even dreamed of.

This year I create happiness. A happiness which will not be achieved at the command of an emotional whim. A happiness which will not be the satisfaction of whatever irrational wishes I might blindly attempt to indulge. A happiness which will be a state of non contradictory joy - a joy without penalty of guilt, a joy that does not clash with any of my values and does not work for my own destruction, not the of escaping from myself but a joy of utilizing my full power. Not the joy of faking reality, but the joy of achieving values that are real. Not the joy of a parasite, but the joy of a producer.

This year I create possibilities.

This year I pursue my goals with out the interference of my body but the will of my mind.

This year I make a difference.

This year is dedicated to the best with in me.

Feliz Navidad!

The Christmas Story - Part 2

BINDU ENTERS.

Vanny: Sush !! I think the results of the auditions are out.
Bindu: No the result aren't out, but i was just listening to you two nitwits and had no choice but to come. You two know absolutely nothing about christmas.
Gman: What is she talking about bindu? that's all there is to chistmas - a couple of hunks, a few flying angles , a bunch of smart guys, a dude called Joseph and his wife Mary and a cute baby Jesus.
Bindu: No you idiots. this is not the story of christmas, it's not about the dudes or the hunks or the angles or the smart guys. It's all about the little baby that was born that night.
Gman: Wo!! sister you ain't gonna tell us that that little kid is the centre of the entire story.
Bindu: Yes it is. Christmas is the story of the birth little baby called Jesus.
Vanny: You mean Christmas is a big birthday party?
Bindu: Christmas is a reminder to the world that the massiah, the saviour was born on that particular night. While the whole world was sleeping a giant star rose and lit up the night, while the whole world was lying in the dark an everlasting light had shone.
Gman/Vanny: Ohhhhh!! But what about the angles, the sheperds and the wise-men?
Bindu: Do you what happens when a king is born?
Gman/Vanny: Well I guess, every-one in his empire celerates, people bring him presents and bow down at his feet.
Bindu: Exactly. For that night a king was born in a manger. As the son a poor carpenter, but the whole creation rejoiced and celebrated his birth. From the ordinary sheperds and the wise men on earth to the angels in heaven above. That's the story of Chirstmas.
The celebration of the birth of an everlasting light, the birth of a king, the birth of a saviour.
Gman: I wanna play Jesus

ABAL ENTERS.

Abal: Alright, alright! it's out everyone. The casting for the play is as follows: Paddy you will be playing mary. 

Vanny: Yo! paddy

Abal: Joseph will be played by (ahem) me. The three wise men are Rian, Shasha and Gaumau. The sheperds are Tjay and Vind and the angels are Bjam, Dcat and Bindu

Vanny/Gman: Hey! What about us?

Abal: Well I have two spots left for donkeys, if you like?

Extreme Sports

The thing I wonder about sky diving is - Why do they even bother with the helmet? Can you almost make it? You might even wear a party hat, what's the difference? When you jump out of a plane 20,000 feet in the air, the shoot doesn't open. I've got news for you, the helmet is now wearing you for protection. Later on the helmet's taking to another helmet is going - Boy I  think it's a good thing he was there, I would've hit the ground directly.

- Seinfeld

Ho Gayi Peer Parwat Si

Ho gayi hai peer parwat si pighalni chahiye
Is himalay se koi ganga nikalni chahiye

Aaj yah deewar pardo si hilne lagi
Shart lekin thi ki ye buniyad hilni chahiye

Har sadak par, har gali main, har nagar, har gaon mein,
Haath lehrate hue, har laash chalni chahiye.


Sirf hangama khada karna mera maksad nahi
Saari koshish hai ki ye soorat badalni chahiye

Mere seene mein na sahi to tere seene mein sahi
Ho kahi bhi aag lekin, aag jalni chahiye.

by - Dushyant Kumar

The Christmas Story - Part 1

Gman: This is total bakwaas man. Christmas ain't for us. It's for kids man with santa and all. So why are we here auditioning for this christmas skit man?

Vanny: Shut-up man! I am thinking of getting into Hollywood and this skit is gonna be my first "big break".

Gman: What are you talking about man? Let's go to the mall and check out some hot chicks.

Vanny: It ain't a small thing man, it's Christmas man Christmas.

Gman: but but but.. vanny it's a beautiful night and the girls ain't gonna wait for us. You are breaking ma heart bro.

Vanny: Shut-up man! I just wish we get a part in it. Every character in the story has a very important role to play.

Gman: Like what?

Vanny: Like the sheperds and the angels.

Gman: What about them?

Vanny: You don't know nothing about the sheperds and the angels do you? You buddhu! Listen, sheperds are pretty cool folks and they have like hundreds and hundreds of sheep and they can control all of 'em with a small flute and they have huge muscles.

and the angels, they wear silky robes and they have wings and they can fly anywhere man also they are very pretty.

Gman: Surely, you ain't gonna become anyone of those man you ain't pretty or have huge muscles! but it sounds pretty cool. 

Vanny: Kiss my chaddi man! I ain't gonna say anything to you now.

Gman: Oh man come-on I was just joking. what about the other characters?

Vanny: You better be careful man. You are talking to the next Tom Cruise. Anyway, the story also has 3 wise-men. These guys were like the computer geeks of our times and they were very rich. They could read the stars in the sky and travelled to lands far-far away.

Gman: Wo wo wo!! That's what ma mum wants me to become. smart-rich-and out of her sight. 

Vanny: Do you what it takes to be smart and rich

Gman: No, wha?

Vanny: Brains! you buddhu.

Gman: Oh man! I want to play wise men. Let's play the wise men.

Vanny: Cha! I ain't playing no wise man or the sheperds or the angels.

Gman: What are you talking about man?

Vanny: You see Paddy is playing Mary man so naturally I'll be playing Joseph, you know what I mean. (Wink-wink)

Gman: Oh man! I don't wanna be playing the three wise man all on my own.

To be continued...

Ultimate DVD Collection

GMAN AND VANNY WALK INTO A CHURCH BUILDING

GMan: This church is huge man.

Vanny: Yeah! It is.

Gman: It makes you think isn't it.

Vanny: Yes the eternal question - What are we doing here on this planet?

Gman: No! I mean what are we doing in this building?

Vanny: It's Christmas man.

Gman: What do you mean by that?

Vanny: It's a festival. You do know what Christmas is right?

Gman: Kiss my underwear man! I'm not a fool. I know what it is. It like Valentines day.

Vanny: Absolutely right. It's a bit like valentine but instead of a girlfriend you get santa.

Gman: Woh! A festival with an old man with big belly and a long Beard. Wicked!

Vanny: Yeah man that's why we are here, but that isn't why we are actually here you know why we are here on earth, you get it?

Gman: No man.

Vanny: Listen up while I educate you. Our religion is like the re-cycle machine you see, you are created, you do wicked things, you die and then you God checks you and puts you into heaven or hell.

Gman: No man! I didn't get it.

Vanny: You see man, born as an angle means the you are released in a new format.

Gman: Yeah I know what you are talking about. Say like I am like a 12inch Simon and Garfunkel gramophone record right.

Vanny: Absolutely and then God checks your music and if he finds you holy and massive he re-releases you as a CD.

Gman: Woh! But what happens if He doesn't like Simon man?

Vanny: Then you come out as T-Series audio tape with Sonu-Nigam and Anuradha Paudhwal as playback instead of Simon and Garfunkel.

Gman: Eww... man that blows.

Vanny: Yeah!

Gman: So what's heaven man?

Vanny: You see God checks the sounds of all the records ever played and if you are groovy then you are played at the highest possible level man - a DVD-ROM.

Gman: That's cool man, So heaven is like God's Ultimate DVD collection man. Can't wait to get my hands on it.

Vanny: Yeah man and that's the answer to man's eternal quest.

Opportunities

If someone prays for patience, does God give him or her patience or the opportunity to be patient?

If someone prays for courage, does God give him or her courage or the opportunity to be courageous?

If someone prays for the family to be close, does God bless him or her with warm fuzzy feelings or does he give him or her the opportunity to love each other?

Evan Almighty

One Step Closer to Economic Equilibrium

I couldn't have found a better background score for this post. Just play before you read.

 

Tyler Durden: 3 minutes. This is it, ground zero. Would you like to say anything to mark the occasion?

It's getting exciting now. Two and a half.

Think of everything we've accomplished man.

Out of these windows we will view the collapse of the entire Financial Industry.

One step closer to economic equilibrium.

Arguably capitalism is the best social-economic structure of society that mankind ever developed. Its basic essence being that it is ever changing and evolving but gives no second chance. An arena where cut-throat is good and those who cannot adapt themselves to its ever evolving character are eliminated.

Here we are now - at the brink of an evolutionary breakthrough in the world of capitalism, as we know it. In a span of less that 6 months, the entire Financial Industry, the very soul of capitalism, is on its knees and is begging for help. There is no single victim here, the cataclysmic effect of this downturn has had victims on a global scale. And as the governments of the world put there heads to end the problem it might just be the end unilateralism as well.

The modern model of capitalism has failed along with various other models of communism and of totalitarianism and definitely anarchism has never been a solution to our problems. Why then are we holding on to capitalism?

It's time to move on, it's time to look into the future with fresh perspective, new ideas and a desire to change. We must consider this event as an opportunity to think about a new world and build it on virtues that have, perhaps, long being forgotten - kindness, selflessness, humility, compassion, intelligence and love.

It's time to wipe the slate clean and give everyone a fresh start.

Japan Little

Japan is a little country made of 4 little islands inhabited by little people that have little eyes. They live in little houses that have little cabinets for their little clothes and their little shoes. They sleep on little beds in night and they drive little cars in the morning. They work in little offices and eat food packed in little boxes. They are happy in their own little world and give little thought about the world outside.