The Christmas Story - Part 1

Gman: This is total bakwaas man. Christmas ain't for us. It's for kids man with santa and all. So why are we here auditioning for this christmas skit man?

Vanny: Shut-up man! I am thinking of getting into Hollywood and this skit is gonna be my first "big break".

Gman: What are you talking about man? Let's go to the mall and check out some hot chicks.

Vanny: It ain't a small thing man, it's Christmas man Christmas.

Gman: but but but.. vanny it's a beautiful night and the girls ain't gonna wait for us. You are breaking ma heart bro.

Vanny: Shut-up man! I just wish we get a part in it. Every character in the story has a very important role to play.

Gman: Like what?

Vanny: Like the sheperds and the angels.

Gman: What about them?

Vanny: You don't know nothing about the sheperds and the angels do you? You buddhu! Listen, sheperds are pretty cool folks and they have like hundreds and hundreds of sheep and they can control all of 'em with a small flute and they have huge muscles.

and the angels, they wear silky robes and they have wings and they can fly anywhere man also they are very pretty.

Gman: Surely, you ain't gonna become anyone of those man you ain't pretty or have huge muscles! but it sounds pretty cool. 

Vanny: Kiss my chaddi man! I ain't gonna say anything to you now.

Gman: Oh man come-on I was just joking. what about the other characters?

Vanny: You better be careful man. You are talking to the next Tom Cruise. Anyway, the story also has 3 wise-men. These guys were like the computer geeks of our times and they were very rich. They could read the stars in the sky and travelled to lands far-far away.

Gman: Wo wo wo!! That's what ma mum wants me to become. smart-rich-and out of her sight. 

Vanny: Do you what it takes to be smart and rich

Gman: No, wha?

Vanny: Brains! you buddhu.

Gman: Oh man! I want to play wise men. Let's play the wise men.

Vanny: Cha! I ain't playing no wise man or the sheperds or the angels.

Gman: What are you talking about man?

Vanny: You see Paddy is playing Mary man so naturally I'll be playing Joseph, you know what I mean. (Wink-wink)

Gman: Oh man! I don't wanna be playing the three wise man all on my own.

To be continued...

Ultimate DVD Collection

GMAN AND VANNY WALK INTO A CHURCH BUILDING

GMan: This church is huge man.

Vanny: Yeah! It is.

Gman: It makes you think isn't it.

Vanny: Yes the eternal question - What are we doing here on this planet?

Gman: No! I mean what are we doing in this building?

Vanny: It's Christmas man.

Gman: What do you mean by that?

Vanny: It's a festival. You do know what Christmas is right?

Gman: Kiss my underwear man! I'm not a fool. I know what it is. It like Valentines day.

Vanny: Absolutely right. It's a bit like valentine but instead of a girlfriend you get santa.

Gman: Woh! A festival with an old man with big belly and a long Beard. Wicked!

Vanny: Yeah man that's why we are here, but that isn't why we are actually here you know why we are here on earth, you get it?

Gman: No man.

Vanny: Listen up while I educate you. Our religion is like the re-cycle machine you see, you are created, you do wicked things, you die and then you God checks you and puts you into heaven or hell.

Gman: No man! I didn't get it.

Vanny: You see man, born as an angle means the you are released in a new format.

Gman: Yeah I know what you are talking about. Say like I am like a 12inch Simon and Garfunkel gramophone record right.

Vanny: Absolutely and then God checks your music and if he finds you holy and massive he re-releases you as a CD.

Gman: Woh! But what happens if He doesn't like Simon man?

Vanny: Then you come out as T-Series audio tape with Sonu-Nigam and Anuradha Paudhwal as playback instead of Simon and Garfunkel.

Gman: Eww... man that blows.

Vanny: Yeah!

Gman: So what's heaven man?

Vanny: You see God checks the sounds of all the records ever played and if you are groovy then you are played at the highest possible level man - a DVD-ROM.

Gman: That's cool man, So heaven is like God's Ultimate DVD collection man. Can't wait to get my hands on it.

Vanny: Yeah man and that's the answer to man's eternal quest.

Opportunities

If someone prays for patience, does God give him or her patience or the opportunity to be patient?

If someone prays for courage, does God give him or her courage or the opportunity to be courageous?

If someone prays for the family to be close, does God bless him or her with warm fuzzy feelings or does he give him or her the opportunity to love each other?

Evan Almighty

One Step Closer to Economic Equilibrium

I couldn't have found a better background score for this post. Just play before you read.

 

Tyler Durden: 3 minutes. This is it, ground zero. Would you like to say anything to mark the occasion?

It's getting exciting now. Two and a half.

Think of everything we've accomplished man.

Out of these windows we will view the collapse of the entire Financial Industry.

One step closer to economic equilibrium.

Arguably capitalism is the best social-economic structure of society that mankind ever developed. Its basic essence being that it is ever changing and evolving but gives no second chance. An arena where cut-throat is good and those who cannot adapt themselves to its ever evolving character are eliminated.

Here we are now - at the brink of an evolutionary breakthrough in the world of capitalism, as we know it. In a span of less that 6 months, the entire Financial Industry, the very soul of capitalism, is on its knees and is begging for help. There is no single victim here, the cataclysmic effect of this downturn has had victims on a global scale. And as the governments of the world put there heads to end the problem it might just be the end unilateralism as well.

The modern model of capitalism has failed along with various other models of communism and of totalitarianism and definitely anarchism has never been a solution to our problems. Why then are we holding on to capitalism?

It's time to move on, it's time to look into the future with fresh perspective, new ideas and a desire to change. We must consider this event as an opportunity to think about a new world and build it on virtues that have, perhaps, long being forgotten - kindness, selflessness, humility, compassion, intelligence and love.

It's time to wipe the slate clean and give everyone a fresh start.

Japan Little

Japan is a little country made of 4 little islands inhabited by little people that have little eyes. They live in little houses that have little cabinets for their little clothes and their little shoes. They sleep on little beds in night and they drive little cars in the morning. They work in little offices and eat food packed in little boxes. They are happy in their own little world and give little thought about the world outside.

Hear the Sounds of Silence

And In the naked light I saw,

Ten thousand people may be more,

People talking without speaking,

People hearing without listening,

People writing songs that voices never share

And no one dare

Disturb the sound of silence

Ever been with a friend who was going through a rough patch, may be lost someone he loved, you asked him how is he feeling and he said that he is fine. But you could just tell the truth by looking into his eyes? Ever trembled when your dad looked at you in anger and preferred that he yelled at you instead? Ever wondered who teaches a new born baby how to tell his parents whether he is good or whether he needs their attention? Ever wondered why we all laugh the same way, cry the same way. Our anger, hatred, jealousy, confusion, anxiety, sorrow and thousands of other emotions are expressed in the same way - across the globe?

I am sure that you wouldn't be surprised to know that almost 90% of human conversation is non-verbal.

My grandmother once told me that Akbar-the-great believed that Arabic was a divine language and if a new born baby was kept in solitude he would end up learning Arabic on his own because it comes from up above. So he did an experiment. He took a new born child, kept him in isolation for many years, no human contact - only to discover that Arabic was not the language that God's speak. But I am sure that that child would've still known how to cry and laugh. Something that Akbar overlooked.

I am sure that if there was a common language in the pre-tower-of-babel-era it was a language without sounds. Nobody had to learn it, people were simply born with it. A language so refined, pure and perfect no wonder it hasn't changed over the centuries. This sound of non-spoken words is much more louder than a scream. Shh.. can you hear it?

The Prophecy

The global economy is in a horrible shape. This is no longer a news to anyone, anymore. Everyone is making predictions about the future. So will I. Here is my take on the future -

Do you remember those sci-fi movies where the protagonist suddenly realizes the truth, or wakes up from a coma or is enlightened suddenly about the reality in some way or the other only to find out that the world, as he knew it, does not exist anymore. There was some event that lead to a unified world, a single government.

Be it a common enemy like AI or aliens, be it a natural catastrophe like global warming or worldwide earthquakes, be it a world war that lead to a massive nuclear holocaust or a biological war, be it anything. But it was on a global scale and it destroyed the world. The result was a single unified government or a company running the whole world.

Is this break down of global economy pointing in that direction?

I know I am wrong but I could be right.

The Weekend Adventure: Doing the Thing

Gman and Vanny are sitting quietly in there rooms on what looks like a dull Saturday evening.

Vanny: I am bored. Let's do something, I can't sit here anymore.
Gman: Great! Where do you wanna go?
Vanny: Let's eat outside.
Gman: Ok, where?
Vanny: I don't know I am not hungry.
Gman: We can go to the coffee shop.
Vanny: Nah! I don't feel drinking coffee or something.
Gman: Let's go to the movies then.
Vanny: No! It's against my principals to go to a theater.
Gman: Rent a movie?
Vanny: Nah! Same thing.
Gman: Let's go to the mall.
Vanny: I don't like the malls. They are boring.
Gman: Ok, let's watch t.v.
Vanny: That's boring too.
Gman: Let's go out for a walk in the park then?
Vanny: No, it is too polluted outside.
Gman: Wanna switch places?
Vanny: No way. your part of the room is so untidy.
Vanny: Why is life so stressful? Why O why?
Gman: Let's go to the roof and I'll give a nudge from the edge.

Karaoke Adventure

 

When the legendary singer Tansen sang in the courts of Akbar the Great; at first all the lamps got lit, there was light, and then came the rain and all the lamps were off. The rain however continued until every one in the king's court was drowned and dead.

Well, all I mean is that I can do better than Tansen.

Check out the latest Gman adventure - Karaoke recordings. Prepared to be blown? Click the link below:

http://www.karaokeplay.com/profile.php?id=32568

Enjoy

Updates

Not all ideas that come to me get converted in to blog post. Some of them simply end up being drafts and wait for me patiently. I laid my eyes upon them recently and completed a few of them. So, if you have time go through the entire blog, you may find a few new articles.

ABC

Most people who know me would confirm that I love traveling. A lot of my good memories, certainly the ones that I cherish the most, have been while traveling long distances. I think, traveling brings out the best in me. A lot of my blog posts are an outcome of ideas that came to me while traveling, of course the remaining came to me when I was in toilet.

These days I have purchased an i-pod and so I have started listening to a lot of music while traveling. On one such occasion as I was coming back from office I started humming and this is what came up.

(Of course, not the entire thing but just the idea. Most of it was improvised later and I know that someone else can do a lot better job.)

Anyway, here it goes...

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound of

Blessed assurance that Jesus is mine so

Come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant, because the

Day of the Lord is at hand; and 

Everybody ought to know, Everybody ought to know who Jesus is. He is 

Fairest Lord Jesus, Ruler of all nature and I give

Glory to His Name and wonder

How great thou art, how great thou art and

I will sing all the mercies of the Lord forever I will sing for

Jesus I adore you lay my life before you how I love you because

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You, there is no greater thing. You are the 

Light of the world, you stepped down into darkness, open my eyes let me see.

My Jesus, my saviour, there is none like you. Just because of you I have

Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care, and my heart sings

O what a wonderful wonderful day, day I will never forget. As we are standing on the 

Promises of Christ my king and There’s a

Quiet understanding when we gather in the Spirit that makes our Hearts

Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice for I know that 

Salvation belongs to the Lord, who sits upon the thrown. And O Lord, I know that

Thy loving kindness is better than life. I bless the day when

Unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given. and He was

Victorious! Victorious! Christ has arisen glorious And so we say

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.

Yesterday, today, forever, Jesus is the same. All may change, but Jesus never! Glory to His Name!

Try not to sing while you read it. Oops too late..

Deal!!

Usually, Gman doesn't buy new stuff. The reasons being obvious, you might have noticed in the previous blog posts. So, Gman mostly uses Vanny's stuff or has to buy from him in case Vanny banishes Gman from using his stuff.

Recently Gman was interested in buying Vanny's wedding ring.

Gman: That ring is awesome man, I want to buy it.
Vanny: Sure man, anything for you.
Gman: I'll give 20,000.
Vanny: 25,000
Gman: 22,000
Vanny: 24,000
Gman: 26,000
Gman: No! 25,000
Vanny: 25,000
Gman: Deal!!
Vanny: Deal!!
Gman: (to himself) ha ha ha (sinister laugh)
Vanny: (to himself) ha ha ha (sinister laugh)

LATER THAT DAY...

Paddy: How could you sell my ring?
Vanny: Don't worry, I'll steal it back.

SOMEWHERE ELSE (AT THE SAME TIME)...

Gman: Damn it! I could have stolen it.

The Weekend Adventure: The Fuji Experience

ON THE MORNING OF 16TH AUGUST. PADDY IS READING HER FAVORITE NEWSPAPER.

Paddy: Vanny! did you read this piece news in the paper? Is it fools day today? I feel sick and delusional.
Vanny: No, I have not, what is it can you read out aloud?
Paddy:
_________________________________________________________________________________________

The Gman Times

Tokyo, 16th Aug 08: Gman conquered Mt. Fuji on Indian Independence day. This unparalleled feat was accomplished ...

___________________________________________________________________________________________

DCAT COMES RUNNING.

Dcat: Did you read todays headlines?
Vanny: Yeah! I can't believe it.
Dcat: Yeah! So can't I. The world is coming to an end tomorrow. I better do all that shopping that I have been planning.
Vanny: What! No, read this... (Gman conque.... )
Dcat: Is he going to be on TV? I better go to the beauty Parlor before the TV guys come.

VANNY CALLS GMAN ON PHONE.

Gman: Hello, Gman here. How may I save you today?
Vanny: I just read the news paper.
Gman: Yeah, man it's awesome isn't it?
Vanny: Yeah, but is it true?
Gman: Of course it is true man, the world is coming to an end.
Vanny: No. The news about you climbing Mt. Fuji yesterday. It's today's headlines on The Gman Times.
Gman: Oh! really I better put on my superhero underwear costume before the TV guys come.
Paddy: Please, take me to church now.

AT THE CHURCH.

Abal: Did you hear that tomorrow the world is coming to an end?
Paddy: Yeah, we know and also that Gman climbed Mt. Fuji.

The Weekend Adventure:At the shopping mall

The weekend adventure continues...

Gman: Then I went to the shopping mall.
Dcat: What did you buy?
Gman: I have been wearing the same underwear for a while now, so I thought it's time to buy a new underwear. Also Vanny's underwear sucks.
Dcat: The world has been trying to tell you this for a long time.
Gman: I bought the latest design, with latest technology, a top brand and no compromise on cost.
Dcat: I am sure you would've found them.
Gman: Yeah! Look at this, I bought a class one underwear. Best fabric known to man. It's antiperspirant, wrinkle free, smooth as silk and much-much more. Its a whopping 5000 rupees underwear.
Dcat: Then why aren't you wearing it?
Gman: It's not my size.


The weekend adventure will continue...

The Weekend Adventure:At the movies

Obviously, a great adventures begins on a week-end.

Dcat: Hi, gman so what did u do this weekend.
Gman: Hey! I watched this really amazing movie.
Dcat: Which one?
Gman: I actually forgot the name of the movie but it was really awesome.
Dcat: So what was it all about?
Gman: Well, it was really great. You see in the beginning everything was fine but then weird stuff happened and everything got messed up and finally in the end everything was back to normal.
Dcat: Ohho! gman now you've spoiled the movie for me....

The weekend adventure will continue...

Setting things straight

About three years back when I was in my final year of college a friend gave me a pack of DVD's of FRIENDS, the famous television series that captured the heart of all America in late nineties.

Well, the series is pretty entertaining, I must say. I copied all the episodes on my computer and started watching FRIENDS pretty regularly. Even after college when I started working I was still watching Friends pretty regularly. During dinner, during holidays or whenever I had nothing better to do.

One night as I was having dinner I switch on one of the episodes of Friends. The episode was about events leading to Ross's wedding with Emily (the British Chippie) in London and the scene was in Central Perk. Monica and Rachel were sitting and talking and Rachel was telling Monica how hard it is for her to accept the fact that Ross is getting married to someone else and that she still had feeling for him and even though they were not seeing each other she always hoped that someday they'll be back as a couple. And that it is so hard to see somebody you love getting married to somebody else.

Tears were rolling down the eyes of both the girls as Monica hugged Rachel to comfort her. And as the scene lasted for about 50 seconds, I too started thinking of how hard life can be. I mean after all life is to love and be loved.

Enters, pregnant Phoebe in the scene. After a regular “Hi! Hello". Phoebe asks, "What are you girls talking about?". Rachel replies that she was just sharing with Monica about her feelings about Ross' wedding and how hard it it for her to accept that Ross is getting married to somebody else. And that for her it is a big problem.

"Oh! it's just the same when I was a child." says Phoebe.
"Except not!" she continues.
"What are you saying?" replies Rachel.
"Yeah! you see when I was growing up my mother had killed herself, my father had run away, I was forced to live with a mad man who spoke to his hand and when I was a teenager a man asked me to sleep with him in exchange of food." said Phoebe.
"I totally understand what you guys are talking about." she concluded.

Seldom have I been stuck between my eyes like this.

"If you lose your parents, if you have nothing to eat, if you have nowhere to live - then you have a problem. Everything else is mere discomfort."

Life is full of ups and downs. It is sure a bumpy road, this life. But one should learn to understand the difference between a problem and everything else.

Just as a broken heart and a heart attack are not the same things.

Business of Life

This is a fast paced world. Believe it or not all of us have a desire to be amongst the leaders and to get noticed. And I am no better, than all of you who are reading.

I am always in a hurry and always late. I have a convenient mode of transport, my Alto. Over a period of time my Alto has experienced the heat of my haste. Once the bumper on the back got damaged because I was getting late to go somewhere and did not carefully take it out from the parking area. The headlight has been broken once because once at a traffic-jam very close to my destination, I lost my patience and banged it into a truck. And craziest of all was once again in a traffic jam, there was some space between two lanes and I thought I can squeeze into that space and get right ahead, I ended up scratching my car with 10 other cars on the way, both sides. That day I somehow managed to save my life. Everybody was furious and almost ready to pound on me just waiting for someone to start. It didn't happen.

Although, now I drive more sanely now and I got my car repaired and right now I am pretty sure that I will not try that squeeze act again. After all it's a car not Mr. Fantastic. Not only just me but all of us are in some way or the other alike, rushing here and there, always in a hurry, always panicking, always late. We are not maniacs, are we? No, we are just simple people who take up more than what we can handle. We want to do everything in life, which is good, but at what cost?

There is a trade-off here that I must identify in the business of life. We sell our life today to buy our life for tomorrow, which never comes. 

I recently read something that gave an insight to this business we called life.

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet lose his soul?" 

(Mark 8:36: Bible)

Think about it. It changed my life.

Birth of a Super-Hero

This is the tale of a simple boy called G and how he became the Gman:

G: I was sleeping last night and all of a sudden I fell down from my bed and now I have a huge bump on my head.
Dcat: Oh that's awesome. I think that might have given you some superpowers as well.
G: You think I am stupid?
Dcat: No, You think you are stupid and I just agree with you.
G: On second thoughts, I think, I did get some superpowers.
Dcat: I told you so, tell me what you've got?
G: I can listen to people's thoughts.
Dcat: Can you listen to my thoughts right now.
G: Yeah it seems you want coffee.
Dcat: Yeah, and just 2 spoons of sugar.
Gman (to the rescue): Ok

Later that evening.

Vanny: Do you know what I am thinking right now?
Gman: Yeah, call paddy for that.

Mala-maal

Finally blogging is paying off. After more than six months of blogging and opening my adsense account; I today accidently checked my adsense account and look what I found (see pic) I have earned $0.81.
Looks like I am all set to be a millionare. :)
I am all pumped-up to revive my blog now. Since now I have the motivation to make millions from the blog.
And a request for all of you guys, whenever you come to my blog just spend sometime in checking out the google ads link on the left hand side of the page.

English speaking

One of my favorite genre of jokes is making a mockery of the English language. Here is a collection:

1. All of you stand in a straight circle.
2. There is no wind in the balloon.
3. The girl with the mirror please comes her. (Means: girl with specs please come here).
4. To a boy , angrily: I talk , he talk , why you middle middle talk?
5. While punishing students:
You , rotate the ground four times.
You , go and understand the tree.
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)
6. Inside the Class room:
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
7. Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
8. Shh...Quiet , boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
9. You , meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class.)
10. Both of u three get out of the class.
11. Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today.
12. Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.
13. Take 5 cm wire of any length.

How many do you know?

OK enjoy this English but don't forget your English.