The Perfect Wedding Adventure

Debbie and I are getting married and the wedding preparations are on full swing. By the way there is something about the wedding that makes women cranky (for lack of a better word). So just like everyone else wannabe Mrs. Maurya is has also been infected by the wedding prep. virus.And she is working hard for the elusive "Perfect" wedding.

So, I was wondering about the ways in which I can goof up the wedding. So me an my co-conspirator Vishal were scheming all day today and we've come up with some ideas that can make this day go crazy.

1. Dropping a banana peel in front of Debbie when she is walking down the aisle.
2. Make a small ditch somewhere on the aisle fill it with water and put the carpet on it.
3. In wedding vows, instead of saying "I take you as my lawfully wedded wife".... say "I take you as my Awfully wedded wife"
4. When its time to exchange rings, I bring out a thick, large, silver ring with a skull, snake, swords, blood dripping from its mouth... like pirates wear.
5. I put plaster on all my fingers and ask her to put the ring on my toes.
6. I put paint or mud in Bride's flower bouquet (the one Debbie will toss in the end ).
7. When the paster recites the final banns I'd say i object...
8. During the wedding ceremony, when the pastor comes to the part about, "If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace..." a couple of kids running up the aisle yelling, "Papa, papa."
9. I make loud stinky farts on the stage.
10. As we both walk from the stage after the ceremony, a funeral music plays. (This one is a bit classy, I don't think many people will notice).
11. Make faces when photographs are taken. 
12. During the wedding ceremony, when the pastor comes to the part about, "If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace..." a muscular, well dressed man runs up the aisle yelling, "Darling please dont leave me".....  but he runs up to me and start kissing me, begging me not to leave him.
13. I say someone else's name during vows preferably old married woman like Mrs. Chib.
14. Select a guy as maid of honor and a girl as best man.


I hope my girl will appreciate it and I hope that our wedding is a fun filled event with errors and goof-up, some deliberate and some unintended and we'll fondly remember and recall them for the rest of our lives.